It's been a while. Actually, more than 5 years to be exact.
Five years was both a long time, and yet it feels like it was just yesterday.
I no longer dream.
I no longer write songs.
I wrote a story... once. Now, all the inspiration I used to have has left me for good.
I've succumbed myself with the ordinariness of daily living... surviving. Wake up, work, eat, go home, go to sleep, repeat.
I can't complain much either, because the life I have now and the places I've been to is the life my younger self would only think of as a dream.
But some days, I still ask myself what I could have been if I did not opt for the decisions I'm living out in the present.
Would I be happier? Would I be sad, or frustrated even?
I don't really know.
I'm only here so I can take some things off my chest.
This year has been hard on me, not because of my work. But of the choices I made personally.
I burned some bridges, isolated myself in a world that now I can't get out of.
Sometimes I get panic attacks mid-day or before going to sleep. Sometimes I feel so down, I wish I don't even have to get out of bed.
A blessing and a burden intertwined.
No one else knows. I never told anyone when they meet me. Maybe they'll think I've gone crazy.
Maybe they'll tell me to find a religion, or a hobby, or a distraction.
I don't really know.
I still don't know.
Anyway, thanks for reading this.
다시 만날 때까지...
Sunday, March 2, 2014
It's been 10 years. Looking back, I have nothing but regrets. I could've been better. I could've fought for my dream, even if it meant being kicked out of the house and living on my own.
10 years. A lot of what-ifs and what-could-have-been's. Sadly, I'm no longer that bright-eyed girl. My failures have made my stares ice cold and dull. It's too late.
10 years. All I ever wanted was to be on stage, doing what I love... sharing my passion through music. Was it too much to ask?
24 years & 3 months. I've waited for so long. I don't think I can wait any longer. I'm afraid that if I do, there'll be nothing left for me to show; the fire might've already diminished long ago.
I hope time will give me another chance.
I hope it's not yet too late.