My friend, Haeja Franca, has inspired me to write this post after I've read hers in her current blog.
So here it goes~
Twenty-oh-nine is the year that caught me by surprise in more ways than any other did - and it wasn't in the most positive context. I started it off with a flaming hope that everything would be better, because I probably cried my eyes out for most of my December 2008. But well... it didn't.
January was a freaking circus of stress, lies, mockery, and gossip.
February WAS HELL.
March WAS WORST THAN HELL.
Those three months managed to numb my senses and at the same time unrestrained that beast inside me. I have never felt so much anger in my entire life. And I have never felt so betrayed and hoodwinked by people that I thought I could trust. Thus, FRIENDSHIPS DEFINITELY OVER and buried a thousand feet under. God will probably give them what they deserve in due time.
April offered me some peace of mind as me and my mom visited the province. That was the last time that I was able to see, touch, hug, kiss and talk to my grandma... and I'm gonna miss her, forever. She passed away during the 4th quarter of 2009.
Right now as I write this post, I can't help but be emotional towards these things. The pain is still there and I hope that I can release that pain and let it be swept away by the winds of change.
The month of May made me feel like I was an uninterested Freshman student walking down the corridors of hospitals. I was physically present, but mentally absent.
During the first semester of my last college year, it was a first that I wasn't elected Class President. But looking back, I'm glad I settled for second best because it made me step back and see things from a different perspective. I was calm and relaxed... something that NEVER came my way for nearly 3 years since I entered college. And by this time, I was able to finish my thesis in peace.
In the remaining weeks of October, things started to pick-up speed as I 'revamp' myself and explore higher grounds. Since the "hell months" ended, I realized who my true friends are. I clearly do not need people who will pull me down and ruin my composure on my own expense. This was the month that made me realize that I do not have to hide behind a mask just because I've built a good reputation around it with medals and certificates, and a familiar name in the campus. No, I felt the need to break the cycle but not in a rebellious way. Whatever those things are, I've already mentioned them in earlier posts - no use reiterating them.
Come November was a change in the air, and I felt that it was a month of great opportunities for me. I enrolled myself for the last time and later that evening had my final thesis paper bounded and signed by my adviser. Then I was elected as Class President along with my other organizations with which I hold an executive post. I AM BACK, BABY! ('Em goddamn people probably thought they could break me... but I'm one tough cookie!). Haha!
December was a "full speed ahead" kind of thing for me. It may not have been the greatest Christmas ever (and that's an understatement). My 20th birthday was less-than-special. My New Year's Eve wasn't a blast either. But I was happy. My family and friends warm my heart and make me happy. And an unexpected someone puts a smile on my face without me knowing it.
I AM FINALLY HAPPY AND AT PEACE.
I've learned a lot in 2009. It might not be the year that I'll fancy looking back to in the years to come, but it taught me to never succumb to hard times. It opened my eyes to the ultimate truth that not everyone is worth my trust; somehow at some point, they would have to prove themselves worthy of it. Those who fail simply have to go through the "exit" sign to the left. And it taught me that I should do things not because I need to, but because I want to.
I have quite a few people to thank - those who have proved themselves worthy of my trust, and most importantly my friendship. But they know who they are anyway. And I will forever love them for simply being them.
This space goes out to ya'll: ____________________________________________.
And yes, I know I'll be happier and happiest and more fabulous in 2010.
WATCH ME. ^^,