Sunday, December 5, 2010

Pain Runs Deep

So this is what it feels like... to be consumed by so much pain, yet you don't feel like screaming your head off nor feel anger at its highest peak towards the person causing you that pain...

Especially when you know that you've loved that person so deep than you can imagine.

I know we should have settled this a very long time ago. YOU should have settled this long before you even knew that love is lost. And I should have stuck with the fact that I've been telling myself that I've moved even before we faced each other that one last time...

Don't you think we're just victims of a f*ck-ed up reality? When we blindly tried to make things work, and I feel deeper... not knowing I was leading myself to limbo?

And now, I can't help but think why we decided to stay "friends"... when all I feel right now is I don't even know how to go back to that place anymore. That neutral ground before all the complications we're created.

I still love you, and you know that. But I know you don't feel the same anymore. And it's hurting me even more than I thought it would... when I told you I'm letting you go. When you told me to forget about you, it twisted my insides as if I'm going to vomit. I couldn't bear the pain of forgetting... that's just me. When you told me to move forward with my career, it made me doubt myself for reasons I couldn't fathom. It made me think of where I am actually standing right now, because I couldn't envision my path anymore. Everything's just dark and uncertain.

Yet I know you believe in me. You said so yourself.

And I go back to feeling more pain.

I love you.

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