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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Weary

At a very early age of 6, I came to realize that life is just - simply put - complicated. Until now, that realization still holds true.

- I know, I know - you may think that I must've been a very melancholic child. Yes, I was; yes, I still am. But that didn't stop me from trying to seek happiness. For those who truly knows me, they see me as this person who sits on either end of the pendulum; either excessively happy or with a blank expression.

But deep inside - there's just too much going on in my head.

Lately, I can't figure out how I got myself wind up with too much work that it seemed too routine already. Also, my work's sticking way too strong on the deeper lobes of my brain because I've been having vivid dreams of interviewing while I'm in dream land.

Then, there's the issue of my personal health. I haven't been sleeping well lately. It's either I'm sleep deprived or excessively sleeping on days off. I haven't even had the time to resume my work out routine after the typhoon passed. And I'm on a lifelong medication that I can't stop or else my throat will give up on me because it's sort-of an "occupational" thing now.

Also, there's this kind of "happiness" that I don't know if I'll be able to achieve for myself this year. Ang gulo! At this point, ayoko na lang mag-expect, yet I can't just sit and wait for things to unfold on its own. But at the same time, I don't want to make too much effort because it doesn't feel right. I just don't want to get hurt anymore.

But even so, I still feel that I'm truly blessed because I have too much going on. I have this belief that whatever it is I'm going through is a blessing from God, whether it be negative, positive or just something neutral. It's a challenge I must have in life, so I can improve myself. And, so I can prove to myself that I CAN.

Kahit mahirap, titiisin ko na lang.
Kahit iiyak ko na lang para makatulog lang, sige lang.

God knows me. My parents trust me. My friends believe in me. What more can I ask for, right?

Monday, July 11, 2011

On Taking Colorgenics... Again

I took the Colorgenics test yet again just a while ago, and it never fails to amaze me with how accurate it is. And this time... the result was, just as I feared, not good. :(

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Colorgenics Number: 7/3/2/6/1/4/0/5/

Is it that you are working - or even playing - too hard? Because it would seem that you are experiencing a great deal of pent-up emotion at this time which could possibly take effect and lead to irrational behaviour.

You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations.

You are a very choosy person - demanding and exacting in your emotional demands and very particular in your choice of partner. You are self-sufficient and as a result of this overbearing nature you find it difficult to establish any depth of deep physical or mental involvement with members of the opposite sex.

You are frustrated and stressed. You appreciate the finer things in life but at all times you appear to stay aloof, critical of everything and everyone about you. You will not be carried away by your emotions and you refuse to trust anyone or any situation unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore, you keep a strict and watchful control on your feelings as you must know exactly where you stand at all times. You demand complete sincerity as a protection against your own tendency to be too trusting.

Perhaps in the distant past your trust and belief in your fellow man was misplaced and you can now no longer accept anything as it appears to be. You are untrusting and you insist that before you commit yourself to anything, you examine the pro's and con's with critical discrimination. The situation has now progressed to one where you are apt to disagree yet not make any form of constructive criticism to every suggestion that may be put to you. As a result you are in limbo. There is a saying that goes 'The past does not equal tomorrow'. Think about it - and let go.