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Sunday, July 17, 2011

Weary

At a very early age of 6, I came to realize that life is just - simply put - complicated. Until now, that realization still holds true.

- I know, I know - you may think that I must've been a very melancholic child. Yes, I was; yes, I still am. But that didn't stop me from trying to seek happiness. For those who truly knows me, they see me as this person who sits on either end of the pendulum; either excessively happy or with a blank expression.

But deep inside - there's just too much going on in my head.

Lately, I can't figure out how I got myself wind up with too much work that it seemed too routine already. Also, my work's sticking way too strong on the deeper lobes of my brain because I've been having vivid dreams of interviewing while I'm in dream land.

Then, there's the issue of my personal health. I haven't been sleeping well lately. It's either I'm sleep deprived or excessively sleeping on days off. I haven't even had the time to resume my work out routine after the typhoon passed. And I'm on a lifelong medication that I can't stop or else my throat will give up on me because it's sort-of an "occupational" thing now.

Also, there's this kind of "happiness" that I don't know if I'll be able to achieve for myself this year. Ang gulo! At this point, ayoko na lang mag-expect, yet I can't just sit and wait for things to unfold on its own. But at the same time, I don't want to make too much effort because it doesn't feel right. I just don't want to get hurt anymore.

But even so, I still feel that I'm truly blessed because I have too much going on. I have this belief that whatever it is I'm going through is a blessing from God, whether it be negative, positive or just something neutral. It's a challenge I must have in life, so I can improve myself. And, so I can prove to myself that I CAN.

Kahit mahirap, titiisin ko na lang.
Kahit iiyak ko na lang para makatulog lang, sige lang.

God knows me. My parents trust me. My friends believe in me. What more can I ask for, right?

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