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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

.

I'm back but not for long
I'll paint it black for now
And live in the shadows

The silence is refreshing
I can actually live with it
Don't worry, I'm still here
Just like 'Zhong Ji Yi Ban'
Living in another dimension

Monday, July 1, 2013

Almost There But Not Quite


I can't wait for this year to end, maybe because I feel that something better is waiting for me in the distant future.

Happiness and peace... why are you guys taking so long to find me? :(


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Day 15, my lucky number

Photo (c) Faye Garcia | edited on InstaText app =)

These days, I've developed a habit of checking all my social networking accounts before I leave the bed. Lucky for me, all the posts and tweets I laid my eyes on have put me in a good mood throughout the day.

While it's no secret to most people that I'm going through a (bad) break-up... for the first time in my life, I actually feel that it's not such a bad thing after all. In fact, it's done me a lot of good things lately. I'm not just psyching myself that all's well with my life because I can see the manifestation of positive things happening: I finally got myself a high-end phone, I was able to shop to my heart's (and credit card's) content, I started (again) going to Church to hear Mass after what seemed like ages, I had more time with my friends to have random lunch-outs or dinner with them or whatnot... and so on.

I don't know if it's a "normal thing" to act this way after everything that has happened, but I'm genuinely happy. For once, I don't feel the "need" to hide my feelings to anyone who'd asked me how I'm doing. My head's also no longer filled with doubt, hate, distrust and self-monologues of what-could-be or I-should-say-this-but-I-don't-know-if-I-can scenarios. So to speak, I'm free.

No more psych wars... No more emotional stress. Just pure sanity and bliss.

I've opened my eyes to the possibility that better things are still to come, for where I'm standing right now I can see clearly the mess of a life I've chosen but now the cloud has lifted & I'm bathed in the light of day. I can feel the warmth, comfort and happiness pouring to my heart and soul.

I'm feeling lucky. I feel blessed. I feel that I've come out a better person. And I thank God that he's making me this way.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

488



"Eventually the fast text message responses will become slow. The long night conversations will be cut short. The undivided attention they once gave you will become neglected. The comfort they once provided you will become something awkward. The unlimited time they had for you will become non-existent. And the feeling of being the center of their universe will become a distant memory of the past..."

(c) karl to, repost from Facebook

Monday, May 27, 2013

Day 7

If I didn't hold back that night, I'd still be there by your side
But I stood rooted to my selfish pride
And let you slip out of my sight

It was a Monday when we started
And it was also a Monday when we ended
How strange it may seem
Six hundred and nine days, gone with the wind

We were changing, and there's no way of stopping it
Tried to hold on but it's a minute too late
You just let circumstance seal our fate
Midnight strikes, another dawn breaks

---------------------------

Who We Are by Lifehouse



Live my life around the pictures
Taken when we met
Spending all of my time
Chasing your silhouette

For all we go through
I don't wanna change you
It's my mind's running in reverse
Trying not to forget who we were
Well, it's time and here we go

**As we break and we bend
And we turn it inside out
To take it back to the start
And through the rise and falling apart
We discover who we are

Struggling with my thoughts
Change the locks inside my head
Reading between the lines
Of what you say and what you've said

I turn the radio on to drown it out
Driving through the night to nowhere
Trying to forget who we were
And where it's at and here we go

And it's all silhouettes
It's all in our hands
We talk to the winds
It's all in our hands

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Supernova

supernova 
noun: is a rare star that explodes and suddenly becomes much brighter


I learned quite a few things about LOVE from American Dad today
(Yes, it's kind of educational, at times... well rarely. And it's one of those rare times, I guess)
And it got me thinking of the things I had to change just for YOU to love me
Because the way I understood it a long way back, you'll never accept me for who I truly am.

I stopped being LOUD, when it was my way of expressing feelings,
I stopped playing percussions, because you said "it wasn't cool for a girl like me",
I stopped partying late at night 'til dawn, because for you it was "unfit for a lady"
I was young and vulnerable, so I listened.

I lost myself... my identity in the process.
And maybe that's why I rebelled too much and was angry at you most of the time.
But now, I'm taking baby steps in regaining the things I lost.
Because before you, I was a HAPPY person.
Yeah sure, I was BORING like you said, but I had moments of clarity...
Moments of insanity and being an insanely happier human being.
I'm currently working on it.
And my friends will be glad to say that SUPERNOVA is back.
Respect.

So listen to this song, because it's totally talking about you and how you treated me in my opinion.
Hopefully one day, I'll find that guy.
Maybe an improved you in the future, or maybe that guy who'll totally love me for all my quirks.
We'll see. =)

--------------------------------------------

According to You by Orianthi


According to you
I'm stupid, I'm useless, I can't do anything right
According to you
I'm difficult, hard to please, forever changing my mind
I'm a mess in a dress, can't show up on time, even if it would save my life
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible
He can't get me out of his head
According to him
I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted
Everything is opposite, I don't feel like stopping it
So baby tell me what I got to lose
He's into me for everything I'm not according to you.

According to you
I'm boring, I'm moody, and you can't take me any place
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away
I'm the girl with the worst attention span; you're the boy who puts up with that
According to you. According to you.

I need to feel appreciated, like I'm not hated
Why can't you see me through his eyes?
It's too bad you're making me decide

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Food for the Soul

Thanks to my HH head, Maj, for sharing this with me =)

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"The end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of an understanding that love sometimes leave for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson. If someone truly loves you, they will never give you a reason to doubt it.

Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you, but it takes someone really special to stay in your life and prove how much they love you. When you give yourself to someone who doesn't respect you, you surrender pieces of your soul that you'll never get back.

There comes a point when you have to let go and stop chasing some people. If someone wants you in their life, they'll find a way to put you there. Sometimes you just need to let go and accept the fact that they don't care for you the way you care for them.

The secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time. After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story."

Dear future lover,

Let me give you a list of people who f*cked me up so bad that it'll be nearly impossible for you to get past the walls I've built up.

But once you do get past the walls, I expect you to beat the sh*t outta those who've hurt me in my past.


Sincerely,

Me.

(repost from Tumblr)

Friday, May 17, 2013

You Never Truly Loved Me

I was supposed to write EVERY detail as to why I think
You never truly loved me
But I stopped halfway
Thinking that it would do me no good
And that there's no use dwelling on things that are long gone

---------------

I remember you.
Your face. The way you speak. The way you act. The way you stare.
And yet whenever I'm flooded with memories of you.
I'm conflicted...
I no longer feel the love and care.
I'm blinded with anger, disgust, loathing... in every fiber of me.

---------------

Ever since the beginning, I had this little voice behind my mind saying,
"He doesn't truly love you. So why are you still giving him a chance?"
But I did. I gave you CHANCES.
Because I was hoping that one day you'll change and that you'll GROW UP.

... but you didn't.

---------------

I didn't see your effort in keeping our relationship.
Well, not just keep it but rather make it stronger.

I just stood there, waiting, and waiting, and hoping.
While you go around cavorting with your so-called "friends"
Whom you probably put on high regard over me
Despite the fact that they've spread lies when we were still dating
To ruin my reputation and make themselves look good
And even went as far as "threatening" my life, even if it was their own brand of "joke".

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Because you are a COWARD.
You ESCAPE when things get out of hand.
You don't have the guts to fight for what you truly want to keep in your life.
You are RUDE, SELFISH and IRRESPONSIBLE.

You let your "friends" have the upper hand.
You blindly let yourself be 'swayed' by their influence.
YOU ARE THAT PATHETIC IN MY EYES RIGHT NOW.
And I DESPISE you for that.

You dare hurt my feelings? Shame on you!

Is that how Christians are supposed to treat their "God's gift"?
Then I'll be damned.

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If you feel that what I just said aren't true, then PROVE IT.
Be a MAN.
Otherwise, I'll just go right back to my conclusion:
That you never truly loved me...
Everything was just an illusion...
And that I deserve SO much better than having you in my life.