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Wednesday, May 22, 2019

오랜만이야

It's been a while. Actually, more than 5 years to be exact.

Five years was both a long time, and yet it feels like it was just yesterday.

I no longer dream.

I no longer write songs.

I wrote a story... once. Now, all the inspiration I used to have has left me for good.

I've succumbed myself with the ordinariness of daily living... surviving. Wake up, work, eat, go home, go to sleep, repeat.

I can't complain much either, because the life I have now and the places I've been to is the life my younger self would only think of as a dream.

But some days, I still ask myself what I could have been if I did not opt for the decisions I'm living out in the present.

Would I be happier? Would I be sad, or frustrated even?

I don't really know.

I'm only here so I can take some things off my chest.

This year has been hard on me, not because of my work. But of the choices I made personally.

I burned some bridges, isolated myself in a world that now I can't get out of.

Sometimes I get panic attacks mid-day or before going to sleep. Sometimes I feel so down, I wish I don't even have to get out of bed.

A blessing and a burden intertwined.

No one else knows. I never told anyone when they meet me. Maybe they'll think I've gone crazy.

Maybe they'll tell me to find a religion, or a hobby, or a distraction.

I don't really know.

I still don't know.

Anyway, thanks for reading this.

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